Dear J (Month 36, Monthly Newsletter)

Dear Jason,

On Wednesday, we celebrated 3 years, or 36 months, of our very first date. We went on it about 15 hours after we met through the Yahoo Personals and chatted online till about 2am. I'm very embarassed...because it's been an eternity since I wrote you a letter. In fact, it's been exactly 13 months. :o(

The last letter I wrote to you was about a month before we got Moe, our "pretty awesome" pug. Throwing a dog into our already chaotic lives was...well...pretty psychotic. But, it has been almost a year and, thankfully, everyone is still alive...thriving...and always anxious for dinner. :)

Another reason for the lack of posting...is that this year has been quite a toughie. I'd like to believe that the toughness was for both you and I...but I have a feeling that a chunk of your stress was knowing that there weren't very many solutions in sight. My coworkers were nutty...which meant that my work schedule was nutty...which meant that my school schedule was nutty, too. This meant that I was driving all around town to either go to class, go to work, or take our pug out to putty. By the way, I am not embarrassed to admit that I am mildly aroused at the thought of having a yard in the future. :-P

Anyways, what I'm trying to say in a very funky way...is that I know I've been funky this year. Oddly enough, when I apologize to you for this (which I did throughout the year)...you never once told me that I sucked at anything. Instead, you would always hug me and tell me that I'm an amazing person who is doing remarkably well despite the horrific things that had happened to me in the past.

Jason...I love you...but, secretly, I thought you would just tell me this to make me feel better. It took me this year to realize...that you actually meant it...and that's just weird. :-P

So...we have this inside joke between us and this joke is SOOO MESSED UP but, oddly enough, it's how I know, without a doubt, that you are the man that my parents sent to me from heaven...to make sure that I'd get through life just fine without them. (Readers, bear with me--it's really, really funky.)

So, a little over 5 years ago, both of my parents passed away in a fire of pretty horrific circumstances. These circumstances ultimately lead me to be sober..and grow up...and you got to hear all about this on our first date. You sat and listened intently as I spoke about how I planned to get back to school...and you didn't treat me like "damaged goods." You didn't think I was crazy when I mentioned that I had no desire of owning a fireplace (I don't like open flames)...and you even gave up alcohol on our second date. Anyways...back to the inside joke. :)

When we began living together, we watched a lot of movies together. I mentioned to you one time that it seemed like EVERY FREAKING movie that I watched...had some scene where any of the following happened:

1) Someone got set on fire.
2) Something blew up which resulted in people being on fire.
3) Someone said something about them or someone else being on fire.
4) Someone mentions how self-immolation is the absolute worst way to die.

I mentioned how oddly common it was...and you may have thought I was nuts...until you began noticing the same thing. You noticed that almost EVERY FREAKING movie has a fire scene somewhere...even when the movie suggests nothing of it.

The South Part Movie, The Wicker Man, Tropic Thunder, Team America, Slumdog Millionaire, Watchmen, and...ladies and gentleman...the romantic comedy, What Happens in Vegas. Yes, there is a scene in the movie where the judge, played by Dennis Miller, says the following (and I quote):

"Listen, I've been married for twenty five years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman. And granted there are days when I want to light her on fire but I don't, because I love her. And that would be illegal. And you know something, I might be old fashioned but when I said those vows, I meant them."

We watched this movie together randomly one day...and when this exact scene happened, we looked at each other...and then burst into uncontrollable laughter...:) I was laughing so hard...........that I completely forgot the horrific circumstances leading to the joke existing in the first place. I realize that it will sound so messed up to people...but that's the neat thing. No one is going to understand why we were basically rolling on the floor with laughter that evening...

It is in these random moments...where I know, from the pit of my soul, that you are my soul mate...and that I simply wouldn't be the insanely happy person that I am today if you weren't in my life.

I don't have much to add to that...because it is a very calm statement for me to make. The calmness of the statement comes from the fact that you've never made me feel unsafe, unloved, unwelcome, unsure, or un-connected to you... Sure, we have our 10 minute bicker sessions (note: that are usually fixed by me having dinner)...but, all in all, you're simply my best friend...and the love of my life.

I often tell others that I don't need to win the lottery in life...because, quite honestly, I already did...:)

As I said a few weeks ago, which lead to our decision to have an insanely small destination wedding (more details on that later), I don't need an expensive dress, a huge wedding, a dual ceremony, or even a ring... I'm just so excited to be your wife...and everything else simply doesn't matter. (Okay, okay--just one small demand--could we try to have Moe be a part of the wedding??? :-P)

Cheers to another chaotic year full of change ahead of us...complete with more laughter from fire scenes in movies that we'll see. :-D

Love,

Me