Sooo Uncomfortable...

This week has been full of people saying some...well, uncomfortable things.

Today, I had my teeth cleaned at my dentist's office by a hygienist who was in her 50s and was a very, very weird person. (I am weird myself so for me to say that someone else is weird...should imply how bad it was. :-P) During her rambling, she told me about how she is very particular about taking care of her teeth (which is not weird) but then exclaimed, "I tell all of my patients that I'm ORAL ANAL!!!"

Lets just say that I feel sooooo bad for her male patients who have to hold a straight face. :)

In psychology class, we started talking about gender and sexuality. This entailed my professor talking in great detail about orgasms and all things that involve sex. As if we weren't already uncomfortable enough, a female student asked the professor this question out loud:

"So, why are people so attached to the person they had their first sexual experience with? Is it some part of the brain that deals with memory or something?"

(My male classmate and I started giggling when he whispered to me, "looks like she's still waiting for him to call...")

Another classmate asked during the same lecture about sexuality, "So, why is it that when you're under the influence of drugs or alcohol that you do stuff that you wouldn't normally do?"

The whole class just sighed uncomfortably. Yes, this may have been the same chick who asked the brain freeze question.

I even dared my male classmates to raise their hands and ask the famous question from The 40 Year Old Virgin, ("Is it true that if you don't use it....you lose it?") because it seemed to fit the types of questions being asked. That was a fun day in class. :)

Lastly, a while ago, we had a psych lecture on how people tend to follow directions from anyone who has an authoritative voice. Particularly, we discussed some horrific incidents which involved employees of fast food restaurants being duped by someone on the phone claiming to be a police officer. Our professor asked the class why we thought these employees took orders from a random person on the phone.

A girl in our class raised her hand and casually responded, "because people who work at fast food restaurants are uneducated?"

I nearly fell out of my chair.

Don't people realize that the questions they ask are a reflection of them?!

I am so ready for this semester to be over.

Mid Summer Recap

It's that time of year again...



It's the time where resident boyfriend and I consider getting a pug. :o)

With the warmer weather and nutty schedules behind us (2 trauma rotations, 1 out of state rotation, my "I'm an ambitious idiot" school schedule), it suddenly seems very possible...and even like a good idea. We've submitted a few applications to adopt an older pug and have a few adoption events in the next coming months...so, we'll see how it goes. :0)

Besides that, I can't believe that officially half the year is over! (July 4th is the exact middle of a year, in case you didn't know.) Pretty soon, resident boyfriend will learn where he's going for fellowship, we'll have to put our condo on the market...and start hunting for places to live in Ohio. I used to be frightened at the idea of moving...but, now, I'm very excited especially because we'll be so close to resident boyfriend's parents...:o)

It's been a few months since I spoke to my siblings but, out of the blue, I got a call from my sister the other day. It was regarding some probate court matters...so conversation was fairly civil (if you cut out the sly remarks she likes to fit in). The odd part about speaking to her on the phone is how indifferent I was when we were done talking. I have wrote about this many times about how I have always worked towards improving our relationship, feeling like every conversation was an opportunity to make amends. It feels nice to give up responsibility for a change and accept that this is just how things are going to be. I'm sad in the sense that we used to pride ourselves on being the exception to the rule of sisters being ridiculously close...but, it's okay. Everyone has to grow up eventually and sometimes that means growing apart. With each day that passes by, I realize that her and I are two completely different people with completely different ideas of how the world works.

Work is, well....work. Resident boyfriend and I drove to work together last week as a way to save some gas...which ended with me waiting for 2 hours in the lounge because he got stuck in surgery. Fun, fun. Law of physics in motion, once again. :-P

My coworkers and I are getting along okay--especially since I won't be working every weekend in the fall. After the chaos of this summer, I came to a personal decision that I do not enjoy working every weekend. Instead of it making my life easier, I felt like I was always at school or work...and never had a day off. I'm planning on blending some "easy" evening classes with work to balance out the time off in the fall semester. I'm so excited that I'm going to have every other weekend off now--YAY to sanity! :-D :-D Not to mention, it eases tensions at work a bit.

School is winding down and will be done in a few weeks...followed by a wonderful vacation with resident boyfriend AND his family. Since we usually visit them or they visit us, it will be nice not to have to worry about cleaning up after a meal or house duties. We haven't seen the bf's folks in a few months so it will be very nice to hang out with them. :-D

Looking back on it, this has been such a chaotic summer! :-P

P.S. Folks who have written me emails--I promise that I will write back. Just wanted to let you know that I'm not ignoring you! :)

We Could Get Used to This

Ah....resident boyfriend is off tomorrow and so am I. We will probably sleep in until 8:00am and smirk at each other in the morning.

No studying, no pager going off, no scurrying around to get dinner situated...just some nice weather, and a day full of shopping ahead of us.
* * *
I typed this out last night with the intent to post (but didn't)...and totally jinxed us because resident boyfriend got paged..............at exactly at 5:45am even though he wasn't the one that was supposed to get paged.

Trauma G-ds, I didn't even publish the post so that's just not fair. :-P

Anyways, Happy Independence Day!

Another Set of Exams

I had 2 exams today and while I am quite relieved that the day is over, this cartoon is a pretty good representation of how I feel at the end of the day. :o) (I love The Far Side and this one has always been my favorite.)



(Well, I only feel this way about biology, of course. :-P)

Anyways, I completed my shorter summer class, as stated in an earlier post, and I'm proud to say that I started off my educational career with an....

A! :-D :-D

Internal Conflict

This is a conversation between "good student Avi" and "exhausted, bad influence, acting like a child student Avi" that goes on in my mind almost every day.

Good Avi: "Oh, I'm so happy that this shorter summer class is over today. I'm so happy that I took it so I don't have to take it later. It was totally worth the effort not to mention that I'm going to have sooooo much more free time to study as opposed to before."

Bad Avi: "Yeah, this is awesome. We can go celebrate with key lime pie, cuddle some pugs at the pet store, surf the internet for hours, maybe call our friends, write a blog post--"

Good Avi: "Hold on, hold on...let's not get too carried away. Maybe we'll have a piece of key lime pie and go visit pugs (because it's a free activity) but, after that, we should go home and finish the homework we have due tomorrow."

Bad Avi: "Urgh. Fine, whatever. I guess it's better than nothing."

Good Avi: "I just don't want to be up late at night freaking out about homework!"

****post key lime pie and pug visit****

Good Avi: "That was a nice way to celebrate...time to hit the books."

Bad Avi: "Yeah, but before we start studying, we should look up pugs online and make sure that there aren't any new cute ones just put up for adoption."

Good Avi: "NO. Absolutely not! Study time is now."

Bad Avi: "Okay, fine. But maybe you should take a shower now to get all relaxed and comfortable...you just finished an intensive class, you know?"

Good Avi: "Ummm...*sigh* Yeah, a shower sounds good and I usually take one every night anyways. I guess this way I can get it out of the way. But, then we're totally doing homework."

Bad Avi: "Cool because you stink anyways."

Good Avi: "Hey! Be nice--we looked at pugs, remember?!"

**post shower**

Good Avi: "Oh, that was heaven..."

Bad Avi: "We should call the boyfriend and see what he is up to."

Good Avi: "NO. NO. NO."

Bad Avi: "But, he might worry about us since he's on call...and plus, you need to scan and email those statements he needs for work."

Good Avi: "Crap, I forgot about that. Yeah, I need to do that because he needs them for tomorrow. But, absolutely no exceptions after that."

**later on**

Bad Avi: "Well, it's 11pm, we should just get up early tomorrow morning and finish the homework. It's too late to finish it all now, anyways..."

Good Avi: "Just shut up. Shut up."

Bad Avi: "C'mon, you know that we totally work better under pressure, anyways. We can get up at 5am and have everything done by the time that we need to leave at 8:30am. C'mon...sleep sounds so good right now!"

Good Avi: "I hate you."

:)

***Later on at 2:15am...***

Bad Avi: "See? We got it done, no problems. We might be a little tired tomorrow but it all worked out!"

Good Avi: "I'm not even going to respond to that. We're soooo fighting..." :-P

Short Hair and Get Togethers

I came home from school at about 5:30pm and resident boyfriend called me on the way home to let me know that there was a meet and greet dinner tonight for the brand new residents starting in a few days...

So...I got ready, curled my hair, didn't like how it turned out, washed it, dried it, and was ready within a half an hour. :) You just can't beat that...:)
* * *
On a side note, these dinners/social outings for the new residents are always interesting because I am sure that they are scared shitless but they can't appear that way. :)

I got to meet some of the wives of the new residents and catch up with some of the ones that I've met as resident boyfriend and I have been together. (By the way, some of the residents are female but a good majority of them are male.)

While it may seem a little odd to others, I usually walk up to the new girlfriends and wives and introduce myself. Most of them usually move here from out of state so I am always happy to recommend restaurants and other various bits of information about Michigan.

I do it simply because I remember what it felt like being at these social outings when resident boyfriend and I first started dating--I was mildly uncomfortable. (Okay, okay, I was very uncomfortable.) Everyone seemed to know so much history about each other, the residents, the schedules, etc. and I was just starting to understand the nuttiness. Some of the wives tended to stick in their corner and not socialize with the newbies not because they are mean but probably because they have gotten used to these outings that seem to increase exponentially with the warm weather. (We have been to three and missed two already!)

I remember a few of the wives that came up to me and spoke to me at my first couple of outings with resident boyfriend because they knew that I was the "newbie." They are the ones that I stick close to at these gatherings even today! :)

Anyways, I can't imagine that these dinners are comfortable for the girlfriends or the wives of the new residents--a bunch of names, a bunch of smiling people that you know you will hear your partner bitch about later (:-P), bosses, girlfriends, interns, surgical talk, inside jokes, surgical jokes, not wanting to make a bad first impression, etc., etc.

It's a tad overwhelming...and, sometimes, a warm introduction can mean so much.

The wife I spoke to for a few minutes was obviously very happy at my small talk--she turned her head, touched the side of my arm and said, "it was really, really nice to meet you."

This translates to, "thank goodness that I have someone to talk to at the next gathering who seems somewhat normal!!" :o)

I still can't believe that resident boyfriend and I are heading towards 2 years of being together...

Weird, weird, weird.

Dear J (Month 20, Monthly Newsletter)

Dear Jason,

Today marks our 20th month anniversary. We are finally in the 20s of the months that we have been together, yay! :)

Something magical happening a few days from now is that you will never have to spend a night at a hospital every again for the entirety of your career. Typing these words out actually makes me a bit emotional because the trauma rotations have been some of the most difficult moments for us…but, also, some of the most beautiful.



Describing to someone what a trauma rotation is like poses a challenge for me. I’m always torn between describing what you have to experience balanced with the responsibilities that fall upon me. Some think that I’m whining or complaining about it even if they have never experienced it themselves. But, the beauty of all of this is that you understand what I’m going through and you acknowledge it. You know that despite the fact that you spend 30 hours roaming the hospital halls, dealing with noncompliant patients, and having a pager going off every 3 minutes…you have a girlfriend at home juggling laundry, homework, work, grocery shopping, building furniture for a new home, and making sure that you have something decent to eat when you get home post call. You have always shown your gratitude in ways that just make my heart melt. For most people, having clean clothes and something good to eat before you enter a nocturnal coma might not seem like much. However, as you have said in your own words, for a resident post call, it’s the best meal and the best sleep you’ll ever have.

(sleeping post call at my friend's house)


It’s ironic the times that you were on trauma. You were on trauma when we initially met, during the time that we bought our condo together over a year ago, and, currently, as I just entered school and work. When we first met, I wasn’t really aware of your exhaustion because we were still getting to know each other. As soon as we bought our place together, the trauma rotation reared its ugly head. It started with me not being able to sleep on the nights that you weren’t home. Then, it morphed into something else…something a lot more challenging than just insomnia.



There were many nights where I laid awake in bed alone, worried for your health and safety by all of the stress that trauma entails. I would sit in our new home and wonder whether I could go through all of this, considering it was a new relationship. I found myself annoyed by the comments of random people who attempted to assure me, “don’t worry, it’s worth it in the end when he’s making the big bucks” because this had absolutely nothing to do with money. There were a few times where I thought of the future, of possible children even, and despised the thought of being a doctor’s wife. I really wanted no part of it if lonely, sleepless nights where what it entailed for the both of us. I felt horrible feeling this way knowing that you were feeling horrific yourself. This is how I felt at the very beginning, usually when you weren’t home…



…but, then you would come home...and everything would instantly change. :)



I wish I had proper words to describe the sigh, made up of half relief and half excitement, that comes when you walk through the door post call. It’s appropriate that you come home when the sun is shining because that’s really the best description for it. You walk in the door and the smile on your face is my shining grace.



I’m so glad that we communicate very well. I have been told by many that it is something that many couples tend to stop doing when things get difficult. The silence enters the room and it seems to infect everything in the relationship. It’s quite the opposite in our home--we’ve had many intense discussions when you’ve been on trauma. At first, I was embarrassed and ashamed to bring up the fact that I was having a tough time dealing with your rediculously long work week. But, I still shared my thoughts and I’m so glad that I did…because you are just amazing in putting me at ease and assuring me that I was entitled to my emotions.




The result of these discussions were that we improvised the best way that we could--we would have dinner at the hospital as often as we could to break up the entire 30 hour process of not seeing each other.



A few weeks ago, I met you at the hospital with some Subway sandwiches while you were on call…and we sat with one of the interns who just moved here from a different state and is doing the trauma rotation with you. A few days later, we met up for dinner again…and the same intern was working with you. You told me later on that he took you aside and told you that you were a lucky guy that someone cared that much about you. (You told me that he also added that he wished his girlfriend did the same thing.) I just sat there and smirked because our dinners probably make no sense to others, but they just make sense to us.




I know I will never know the feeling of what it is like to be responsible for someone’s life or having to deal with death and severe injury on a continual basis…but I’d like to believe that is why you date me. I have seen glimpses with my career in the emergency room and various floors of the hospital, enough to realize simple little facts like Subway sandwiches tasting like a gourmet meal when you haven’t eaten in an entire day… I’m just glad that we did everything the way that we did. I’m so proud of you, babe…and I’m so blessed to have you in my life.

Love,

Me

Resident Boyfriend's Mom

Considering that resident boyfriend is gone until tomorrow morning, trapped inside of the hospital, I decided to call his mom and just say hello. I just spent about 45 minutes on the phone chatting with her...and it was very, very nice. :)

I don't remember exactly when I started calling her on a regular basis but I know that it started after their Thanksgiving visit to Minnesota. It was the first time in the time since I had started dating resident boyfriend where his mother and I spent more than just a few minutes alone together. We both agreed that it was just too cold in Minnesota to do anything and that everything at the Mall of America was just ridiculously expensive. :)

For Christmas last year, this time continued, as his mother and I spent a few hours together in the kitchen and at various antique shops. I secretly love thrift stores...while resident boyfriend does not, so his mom was more than happy to spend some time just walking around checking things out. :) She also made sure that I had an insane number of presents under the Christmas tree...

One big thing that resident boyfriend's mom and I have in common is that she lost both of her parents at a relatively young age. She is very understanding about holidays (Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.), the emotional ups and downs, and such. Her and I also seem to watch the same random shows (Jon & Kate Plus 8, occasional episodes of Oprah) and share what we thought of them.

But, I can't seem to put it to words how awesome she is about the random things that she does. They are little things that just insanely selfless...

For example, tonight, I told her about how I would be traveling to Ohio by myself (the bf will be working) some time next month to attend some of the advising sessions for the nursing programs for the future...

Without a moment's hesitation, she said, "Oh! Let me know what days they are so I can go with you! I might be working but I can switch without an issue and I can meet you there."

She was willing drive a few hours to attend this advising session with me...and hang out with her son's girlfriend for a few hours. :)

I didn't tell her, but I may have had tears in my eyes on the other line. :)

While being totally stressed out about biology and wondering if I am cut out for the nursing program to begin with--this was definitely the "pick me up" that I needed. . . :)

Still Here, Still Stressed

The other day, I was going to take a picture just now of what resident boyfriend and I were up to…but then I realized that I have taken this picture before in a previous post. The only exception being that, instead of the floor, the mail has moved to the kitchen counter space in nice piles. :)
* * *

I want to thank everyone for their input regarding how to study for my biology class. I shared some of the comments with some of my classmates and they were all excited because it, too, had never dawned on them to check out YouTube. The condo is also now furnished with an insane number of index cards, charts, diagrams, printouts, and Biology for Dummies. Hopefully, this will work with my next upcoming exam...

Also, Resident boyfriend has placed an extremely adorable demand on me to come to him for help as a result of that post. I guess it's a weird partner thing--I don't want to appear like I have no clue of what I am learning or have him help me with my homework because I feel like it is my responsibility. We all want to appear perfect for our partners and I'm somewhat glad that I still have that desire after almost 2 years of dating. :-P
* * *
On a funny note, over the weekend, I called resident boyfriend on the way home from work and said, "I'm just giving you a heads up that I'm chopping off my hair." I did this on purpose--the whole freaking him out because then he expected the worst...and ended up being quite surprised by the result. :)

5.5 inches gone and it's now resting just above my shoulders. :) I have been told by many that my haircut suits me so I'm happy with the results. (Pictures coming soon but in the meantime, imagine Parminder Nagra from ER.) :)



...And, not like it's a huge surprise but, good grief, I am soooooooooooo tired. :-P

Biological Blabbing

I was reading a book for my English class which described Jewish boys being given honey before they read the Torah for the very first time. The author described that this was done so that there was a positive emotion or experience attached to the very first moment when they entered their religious studies.

I wish that it was that simple with my schooling but then I'd probably become a diabetic. :-P

I confess that with school I'm feeling overwhelmed a good majority of the time and, although part of me chuckles because I am accustomed to that, this is a bit different. I was so headstrong about going back to school that I don't think I realistically processed the fact that I would have trouble with any of my classes... After all, people kept telling me that I was going to do fine...

"Avi, you're really smart, you'll breeze through school!"

Actually, allow me to rephrase my difficulty with school. In all of my classes, I feel absolutely fine, confident almost. Three out of the four classes, I'm getting A's and high B's (that will eventually become A's). :) I have no worries about my abilities in those classes. So, what is the class that has my hair falling out and me losing my appetite?

Biology.

Yes, the most important of all of the classes if I plan on being a nurse...the subject that I still have to take 2 more classes of.

I realize that a good majority of my negative emotions regarding biology come from the fact that my professor is awesome in explanations...and could recite this information while sleeping. I come home after the lecture to a boyfriend...who also understands biology without effort. (I realize that it hasn't always been this way--resident boyfriend once was a student who knew nothing about cellular respiration, enzymes, hydrogen bonds, amino acids, blah, blah, blah.)

But, it's tough, folks.

It's tough to put aside the fact that your wonderfully sweet boyfriend is a doctor...and not feel like an idiot when he starts explaining the various macromolecules and enzymes...and you're thoughts are searching in your brain's file cabinets to find that little section on macromolecules... I have a hard time conceptualizing all of these various biological reactions that we are learning. Anyways, I'm biologically blabbing here... :)

I know that I'm beating myself up here more than I should be...and this is where being sober is almost like having a mother inside of your head at all times. Little life rules that I really understood in sobriety are playing out in my life today.

One big one that applies to my biology class is, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I need to change how I study, ask resident boyfriend for help and not feel self conscious, and I need to take it one lecture at a time...
* * * * *
...and I'd like to know how all of you make it look so easy! :) Any suggestions regarding studying, reading guides, etc.?

*blah*
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Update - Awesome suggestions already! I just HAD to link this video because it shows the power of creative studying. :-P