Starting Two Battles

So, I'm starting two battles this week. Ironically, both have the same concept--I'm standing up for myself. :-)

Battle #1: I'm submitting my summer school schedule to my job this week...and I expect some of my fellow secretaries to be quite unhappy with me. They will be unhappy because my managers have already told me that they recognize that I have gotten the shaft with the schedule many semesters in a row and that I will get first dibs for the summer. I should mention that I'm going to be graduating in May of 2011 which is almost 3 years to the day of when I began school. This is ironic because I have coworkers who have "been in school" for a decade...and...no degree....and yet they still pitch a fit when they don't get the days off that they want.

Battle #2: My lawyer sent me draft of the letter that he will be sending to my brother and sister this week. It's not a very mean letter but it's quite cold and quite direct regarding my deceased parents' home.

In case you are wondering, most probate laws state that in the event when parties cannot decide on how to mutually divide any assets inherited, a quick sale is done...and the sale is divided into equal shares which go to the beneficiaries. So, my lawyer is basically telling my sister and brother that if they do not agree to my request (which, by the way, is insanely reasonable considering that I did not add furnishings I paid for out of my portion of the life insurance after the house was rebuilt to that value), the house will have to be sold. With the housing market the way that it is and considering how nicely our home was rebuilt, my siblings will definitely not want to move.

Folks, these are strong words...and I wish I felt better about the situation...but I know what is going to happen on that side of town. I imagine that my sister is going to cry to all of her friends that I'm trying to kick the both of them out of our deceased parents' home...or that I'm trying to steal my brother's money...and telling my brother how horrible of a sister I am. Quite frankly, my 1/3 portion of the home is a very small portion of the money that my brother will be getting on his 18th birthday.

I imagine that my sister will be incredibly pissed because of the situation I am putting her in--she will basically have to ask my brother to pay for her portion of what she owes me...and this will royally piss her off. (If this is confusing, here is some math: Imagine a house is worth $60,000. 1/3 of that is $20,000, which would be the portion that each of us own. That would mean that my brother is responsible for buying out $10,000 and my sister is responsible for buying out the remaining $10,000.)

I feel incredibly guilty doing all of this...but I am reminded of the facts of the situation and how reasonable I have been the last couple of years.

I was kicked out of my deceased parents' home 3 years ago. I do not receive a social security check to help with my bills. I do not live in a home that is paid off. I've paid off thousands of dollars worth of debt that my sister accrued in my name which she has never offered to pay me back for or even say thank you. I didn't ask for any money for the trucks that my sister sold/gave away years ago. Resident hubby and I will be moving in a year and a half and this gives them the freedom to do whatever they'd like with the house without my input.

I think the part that I feel the worst about...is how my brother is going to comprehend this mess. You have to remember that despite him growing up a lot faster than most teenagers...his comprehension of finances and material wealth is quite different than adults.

3 years ago, shortly before my sister kicked me out, I sat down with my brother and explained to him what was going on. I told him about how bills had not been paid (some of our utilities were shut off) despite us receiving a social security check every month. I showed him bank statements of how my sister had overdrawn my account well over $1,000. I asked him if he felt it was okay to be shopping around for Louis Vuitton purses when we had no hot water in the house. I asked him if it was acceptable for her to hit me and spit on me.

Sadly, his response? Well, your sister was just dealing with the situation the best that she could.

Years later, he still feels the same way...and I think a lot of it has to do with things that he just hasn't grasped.

When he comes over our condo, he hears about coupons, discounts, saving money, working extra hours, and going to the thrift store. When he goes back home, the other sister showers him with Armani shirts and Louis Vuitton ties...and gets gourmet food delivered to the house...

I'm sad because my brother, with his inheritance, will probably still live in this illusion for a number of years and...that money is going to fade fast. I've always told resident hubby that, where ever we end up in the future, we need to make sure that we have a bedroom for my brother...because he'll probably end up staying with us when the money disappears...and reality sets in...

Full Moon

I confess that I'm feeling a little burned out by life these days.

I'm not sure if it is all of the big things coming our way (resident hubby finishing residency and starting his fellowship, me approaching my last couple of semesters, having to start hunting for jobs for resident hubby in different states, etc.) but I find that I'm just a little emotionally worn out these days.

I've been having trouble falling asleep ever since this semester started. I know what the cause of it is--I have some hard classes. Specifically, I have three classes that have labs and 2 online courses. The online courses are relatively easy, thank goodness, but they still do take up time that I could be spending on the harder classes. The harder classes are all prerequisites to other courses that I need to take...so it's important that I do well because the time line of what I am taking in future semesters is quite specific. However, I must admit that I have good professors in all of my classes this semester, which is an absolute miracle...

In addition to that, my patience with my workplace is like a roller coaster. Most days, I am able to disconnect from what is going on...because I know that resident hubby and I will be moving in a year and a half. This weekend, however, I was feeling upset at work about the situation and wrote my manager and assistant manager a letter explaining issues we're having with the current schedule. I also wrote what I needed for the summer semester. This is quite different from my normal approach--I have never "demanded" a certain type of schedule. I also did this approach because now it is in writing...which leaves a nice paper trail the next time HR comes around...and forces my managers to respond to it. I just hate having to do these types of things...

The last couple of weeks, our somewhat new neighbors have been driving me nuts, too. One has been playing music really loud, really late at night and even on the weekdays. Another one, aka Nichole Richie, left a huge cardboard mess on the front of the condo....and left it there for days. Eventually, I picked it up and put the garbage bag on her front porch... Last night, she was blaring music which was quite ironic considering our initial meeting. I wonder if she was pissed at me for picking up her mess. She also leaves her dog home alone for hours and he spends the entire day barking...which is driving Moe nuts.

* * *

What the heck is going on with the rest of the world these days? Then again, there was an article about the eerie full moon and that probably explains it all...

Oh, that...and the fact that resident hubby is on trauma and weird things are always happening on that rotation... :-D

Alien Pug

I was flipping through some pictures (aka being bad because I should be studying) and I totally forgot about this picture I took about a year ago. :-P

Is it an alien?

Nope, it's just my Moe sleeping in one of his funky positions...:) (Note--I did eventually move him because that position didn't look healthy for his neck. :-P)

Does your animal or significant other sleep in funny positions? :)

Update to K--Yup, Moe does that, too. :)

Bloggy Business

I'm changing things around on the blog. :) If you've been on in the last hour or so, do you see how finicky I am? :)

I wish that I was this way with wedding planning...then some decisions might actually get made. :)

But, I digress.

So, I had planned on changing over to a completely new domain...but, the more I thought about it...it seemed silly to leave this wonderful blog that has become my home over the last 3 years. :) So, I'm sticking with it...:)

Anyways, tell me what ya'll think. :)

Update 1/29/10--okay, I think I'm done for now. :) It's quite weird to see the word wife on the screen, by the way...;-)

Just for Fun

So, today happened to be my [psychotic] sister and her [psychotic] boyfriend's three year anniversary...

His facebook update said something like this: "To my lovely porn star--I mean girlfriend, happy anniversary, byotch!"

He's in his late 30s, by the way...

I can't make stuff like this up.

What a lovely couple. :)

Quickie

A lot of people believe that resident hubby's schedule must be miraculously better now that he is a 5th year resident...

Well...

Resident hubby went to work yesterday at 6am...and came home around 11:00pm. He left to go round this morning at 7am...and, around noon, he called to say that he'd be home in a few hours. Let's put the estimate at 4pm of when he gets home today...

So, in the last 40 hours, he has worked 26...not including driving, getting ready, or eating dinner time...

Oh, I'm so excited that he's almost done with residency...because of days like this...

They Know.

So, on Tuesday, I met up with a lawyer after my siblings dropped the bomb I expected them to drop on me regarding my 1/3 portion of my deceased parents' home.

Tonight, I received a nasty three page email from my sister...so I can safely assume that she is well aware of what is going on. She has probably been told by our probate lawyer that I could force a sale of the home if they choose not to buy me out. She was also probably told that the court will favor me...

As expected, the email...is harsh. :-(

My sister and I were once best friends...and this woman knows me better than anyone else. Due to that, she knows how to push my buttons and...well, it doesn't work as well anymore. I am still very hurt by the things that she said ("you treat Moe better than our own brother", "your inability to think of anyone else but yourself", "we offered to help pay for your wedding and that should have been enough", "you're not entitled to that money, even Mom and Dad would have given our brother the house", etc.) but that is her M.O. (On a random sidenote, my parents would have never done that--I love how my sister implies that our dead parents, who insisted on her and I going to college, were sexist...)

At the end of the letter, she put a paragraph saying that she hoped that one day we could put this aside and have all of our children together for Thanksgiving.

Umm...yeah.

*deep breath*

Okay, confession time here.

* * *

About 2 years ago is when I hit my breaking point with my siblings. I helped them out with paying a bill and was violently chided by both siblings when I asked to be paid back. (I do not live in a house that is paid off and half of my expenses are not covered by the court so that $300 bill I paid was a lot of money to me.)

After this incident, I immediately went to a noon AA meeting near my home where I tearfully told my table, "I realized today that I cannot give away my love and affection for free...or on the basis of blood... I realize that I cannot love unconditionally because it makes me a doormat. I think that my love is worth more than that." Some people had tears in their eyes...but everyone bobbed their heads in agreement.

I came home to find that my insurance cards (of my then new job) had just arrived...so, I found a therapist and made an appointment for that day. I have been seeing K, a female therapist in her 70s, faithfully for the last 2 years...specifically about my siblings. The woman has 5 daughters and, man, she gets the "sibling thing."

I grew up with everyone, including my family, telling me that I always had to be there for family--no matter what happened. I followed this ideal religiously. I adored my sister and worked two jobs to support our party lifestyle when we were in our early 20s. I failed to notice that any time my attention went elsewhere--like a romantic relationship, my sister ultimately would sabotage the relationship by implying that I was being "needy" by spending time with that person. I always told my sister to let me take the blame if we got in trouble with our parents...because I loved her.

After my parents passed, I continued that mantra of family first. I worked overtime every week, every holiday, every shift that I could...just to put food on the table and make sure that our bills were being paid on time. My sister quit her job, went on shopping sprees, and partied every weekend...and told others, "I'm not some depressed loser like my sister is." I came straight home every night after work...to make sure that I could tuck my brother in for bed. I wasn't perfect...but I promise that I tried.

Looking back on things, I am really not surprised that I had a breakdown and, in many ways, it was a blessing...because it has lead me to where I am today.

Anyways, K, my therapist, listened to my entire story during that first appointment...and after I was done, I said to her, "I need you, a professional who has heard it all, to tell me that it is okay to let go because I can't deal with this." Without hesitation, she said, "Absolutely. This is not love--this is abuse."

* * *

K, the therapist, has helped with this entire process of adjustment over the last 2 years in learning when to say "no" or "you're insulting me" to my siblings. It sounds crazy in its simplicity but...it has made a major difference and my siblings had been reasonable up until this. She has helped me realize that I really am the master of my own destiny--I can choose what I let get to me. Also, I like to think of this as grief counseling, too--the days when I'm missing my parents the most, it's nice to go in and vent for a damn low copay. :-D

* * *

So, I am pretty upset...because her letter leaves out anything that she's done to me. To add insult to injury, she even says that I am always "welcome back in mom and dad's house." Oh, please. As if I left on my own...and chose to live with my then boyfriend of two months (who is now my fiance in case you are new to the blog and this post is confusing :-P).

I am not going to write her back. I have learned that, no matter what I say, I will always be the bad guy, the alcoholic, the greedy sister, etc. Any information I give her will just be manipulated...and I'm not saying yes to the abuse anymore.

But, I feel horrible--there are absolutely no wins in this situation...and, sadly, it's probably going to get a lot more messy as the days go by..............

Family

So, you know, things were going well with my siblings for the last couple of months. I've spoken to my sister and brother on the phone...we talked about wedding stuff...we talked about emotional things regarding missing our parents...etc...and it happened again.

They dropped a bomb on resident hubby and I.

My brother turns 18 next month...and is set to inherit a pretty penny from when my parents passed away. I had mentioned many times over the last couple of months to my siblings that resident hubby and I had planned on paying for the wedding with the 1/3 portion of my deceased parents' home that my brother would eventually buy out. They never expressed any negative emotions about it--in fact, from what I recall, they seemed very comfortable about it. My sister once said that it made sense since I didn't live in our parents' home anymore...

Last night, my sister and I chatted about wedding stuff on the phone--specifically about the appointment with the wedding planner (that she missed because she slept in even though it was in the afternoon). I told her how resident hubby and I later checked out one venue, an atrium, that we were absolutely floored by. I told her how resident hubby and I hugged while standing in this atrium, pictured below...because it was all becoming real. We're really getting married...



The excitement was beginning...and I shared this with my sister.

I tried to ignore the fact that every time I talked about resident hubby and my specific preferences, she uncomfortably chimed in with "well...in MY wedding...this is how I would do it..." She wants a gargantuan wedding with every type of luxury possible...and seemed uncomfortable when I talked about wedding favors I saw on sale online...or talked about having a Sunday night wedding because it was cheaper.

Then, out of the blue, my sister casually informed that my brother and her would help with the wedding...but they had no intentions of paying me my 1/3 of the home. She said that they both felt (mind you, this is coming out of her mouth, not his) that I was being greedy...and that I had been a non-existent guardian over the last couple of years. She then said that she planned on suing me for "monetary damages" (aka child support) and "maintenance costs" of the house.

*sigh*

She added that she was going to sign over her 1/3 of the house to my brother because she felt it was "the right thing to do, culturally speaking." (Dude, you live with your racist non-Indian boyfriend in our parents home.) She said that she expected me to do the same...which started the tirade between us.

"I'm sorry to talk about this while we're talking about your wedding an all...but..."

No, you're not. You are just being you. This is the last thing that you can screw with me about before resident hubby and I move in a year and a half...and you're doing just that.

I was shaking when I got off the phone with her...because there were many other plans with this money that I hadn't inform her about. (I like to keep information shared with her on a need to know basis.) Between residency and fellowship, resident hubby has two months off to study for board examinations...which means that we have 2 months without regular paychecks... Also, we have put a lot of "extra" costs on his credit card--unexpected expenses with his car, some tuition of mine, etc. Also, this money we had hoped on getting...would pay for my summer semester since I do not receive any financial aid in the summer.

All of the anger that I put aside about being kicked out of my deceased parents' home over 3 years ago...which resulted in resident hubby and I having to live together after only 2 months of dating...came back. I was just so upset.

My best friend happened to call a few minutes after I spoke with my sister and I reminded her how lucky I was to have her in my life. I said something about not wanting my sister at the wedding...and she calmly said, "just take a deep breath...and don't think about that just yet." We talked about family...and how, when you become an adult, you realize that you can't always count on your family...because you have your own family to be concerned about...and your friends seem to understand you the most. It's a sad realization...but we both agreed that it's part of growing up. I just love her. :)

Resident hubby and I discussed the possibility of getting married in Vegas...or maybe even waiting until he is completely done with residency/fellowship. To that option, he said sadly, "I just don't want to wait that long...we've waited long enough." I reminded him, sadly, that we may not have a choice.

Later on, I did my homework...and then I cried at about 2am with a snoring pug and surgical resident next to me...

I'm sure that these tears were built up from the fact that it's been a while since I cried. I missed my parents... I wondered how my sister became such a conniving person... I'm tired of being the bad guy...

Today, I called our family lawyer to see what options I have...

Pug Love All Around

So...the guy who found my cell phone lying on the sidewalk and was kind enough to find my email address and email me about picking it up...is the proud owner of a pug. I may have cuddled his adorable pug when I picked up the phone today. :-D

I am convinced that he returned it because a picture of Moe is my wallpaper...

What are the odds?

See?

Pugs are good karma....:)

Winter Semester, 2010

Resident hubby is on call...which makes him, unfortunately, obsolete for the day. :(

Check.

Wake up at 5am to resident hubby's alarm clock because you were already stressing about the winter semester ahead of you and couldn't really sleep much last night, knowing that the madness was starting all over again.

Check.

Due to the massive snow storm that came in early this morning, nearly get killed twice when driving to one campus.

Check.

Rush back home between classes (at different colleges) because you, unfortunately at times, have a soul and wanted to take the dog out to potty so he wouldn't have to hold it for a long time. In the process, he yanks on the leash enough so which makes you come crashing down on to the cement, injuring both your hip and your head.

Check.

Lose your cell phone in that fiasco but not realizing it until hours later after you returned back to the campus to search for it. (Note: remember the driving conditions) Feel guilty about leaving the pug in his crate, once again, so, screw it, you took him with you. :)

Urgh. Check.

No phone at school...so you get home and meticulously search your car at home...only to realize that, at some point, a full can of Diet Pepsi Max froze and exploded directly under your passenger side seat.

Double urgh. Check.

Wait an hour for your food delivery...only to realize that they are oddly running late. Check voicemail (of the missing phone) through land line phone and learn that they called you an hour earlier to notify you that the restaurant that you picked...was closed and that is the only contact number they have listed for you. So, it's an hour later, you're starving...and no food. :)

Check.

Eat some frozen food, take a nice bath, get into bed and check your email...and learn that someone found your phone on the sidewalk and was kind enough to email you to let you know. (This person will be getting a hug from me!)

Oh, thank goodness. Check.

Smile while putting together your massive schedule (with all due dates of exams, assignments, etc.) because you actually totally dig the chaos of being a student.

Check. :)